


Once Upon the Final Goodnight

by Alazan



Category: Firefly
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Pan's Labyrinth Movie references, Please read notes, Protective Siblings, Sad, Sad Ending, Siblings, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Notes, fairy tails
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 13:04:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4138626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alazan/pseuds/Alazan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'It's never going to end...' Simon thought solemnly as he looked at the vials in his hand. On or off Serenity, with or without the crew, they could never stop running. Nowhere will be safe or sound. No one will tolerate River and her condition forever like he would. And he is just...too damn tired. This was their life...and it was no life. </p><p>"Time for bed?"</p><p>Simon looked up, glassy eyed as River entered the med bay. He wiped his eyes and tried to store away the vials but it was no use. She came up to him, grabbed the hand with the vials, closed her hand over them and smiled up at him. Guilt and sorrow made his voice break, "R-River..."</p><p>"One last story before we say goodnight, okay Simon?"</p><p>He nodded.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The fairy tale story that is used here is from a movie called "Pan's Labyrinth". It'll be edited some to fit this story, but that's where it's from.

He should feel some sort of resentment. He should feel angry and hateful, vengeful and cruel. But he doesn't. Simon feels none of those things even though he knew that Jayne betrayed them in the hope of making a good score. The young doctor supposed it was a bit like seeing a strike before it happened. It gives you time to brace for impact and you don't think it hurts as much...even though it does. 

Simon scoffed a little as he fiddled with his supplies. He never would have thought he'd have much in common with Mudders but now he realized he had plenty in common with them. He didn't worship Jayne like them, but he had enough of a foolish belief in him that he thought he'd never actually turn them into the Alliance. But just like the Mudders, the blatant truth was shoved in his face. Jayne was a gun for hire. He lived for money and murder, and money will always come first. Money will always be temping...no matter who gets caught in the crossfire. 

Sleep is all but impossible, his mind thinking at a thousand miles per hour with no end in sight. Thoughts of all sorts plague him. The amount of them block the emotions a bit but it doesn't block them forever. Eventually he has to register what he's feeling. 

Tired. 

The kind of tired that passes muscle and bone, but down to the last drop of blood and every single cell in your body. The kind of tired where you can be looking at a barrel of a gun and not flinch, not because you're not afraid, but because accepting the bullet would be easier than taking another agonizing breath. 

Loneliness. 

The kind that drives you to desperation for any sort of contact, any sort of relief, but you just can't get it because you're so disconnected from everything. It's worse when you're around others because it's so obvious that you're alone...will always be, and no amount of money or talent will ever be good enough to make a real connection. He'll always just be a mandatory and replaceable asset that's also good for as the butt of a joke.

Failure. 

Everyone who has ever had an expectation of him has been disappointed. Because that's what he is...what he chose to be. He was pushed and pushed and pushed, and it's finally happened. The edge. He was pushed over the edge with the realization that has always been since the moment he decided that something was wrong with River. 

 

'It's never going to end...' Simon thought solemnly as he looked at the vials in his hand. On or off Serenity, with or without the crew, they could never stop running. Nowhere will be safe or sound. No one will tolerate River and her condition forever like he would. And he is just...too damn tired.

This was their life...and it was no life.

"Time for bed?"

Simon looked up, glassy eyed as River entered the med bay. He wiped his eyes and tried to store away the vials but it was no use. She came up to him, grabbed the hand with the vials, closed her hand over them and smiled up at him with that calm, dreamy smile of hers. Guilt and sorrow made his voice break, "R-River..."

"One last story before we say goodnight, okay Simon?"

He nodded.

* * *

 

Mal knew what Jayne had done. He liked to think he knew his crew well enough that he could guess what they'd all do and be there when what they're doing is stupid. Sometimes he makes it on time. Other times he can't do a damn thing. Fact of the matter was, they were all human. All of them were strong in their own way, but they were also weak in their own way. Jayne's weakness has been and always be the temptation of making profit. 

He wanted nothing more than to ignore it until it went away. Hoping that it would and they could continue to fly smoothly to their next job. It was why he was heading to the med bay to have a word with the doctor. Knocking before entering he tried to look casual, if not a little bored. Normal. 

The doc looked distracted so he supposed that's why Mal's 'normal act' was bought. Then again, he was one of the few no one questioned, at least not to his face. Even after a full minute after knocking and entering the doc still hadn't paid his usual amount of attention. It made some worry in Mal rise. 

"Doc?"

Finally the young doctor looked up, shoving a drawer closed as he turned to face the Captain. "Captain." he nodded in acknowledgement. "Are you in need of some medical attention?" he asked in usual politeness. That was normal. So why was Mal getting a bad feeling.

He shook his head. "Me? Nah. Just doin' a round. Making sure everything's shiny. Thought I'd check how River's progress was goin'."

The doc's eyes grew steely and Mal felt his blood run cold. Had Simon figured out what Jayne had done? He wouldn't be surprised, not with how smart the doc was, but he still wished it was something that would have stayed secret. 

"She's tired. I'm going to administer a new test in a few moments actually." the doc's voice was steady, calm, and rather void of emotion. Mal knew that the doc was only ever really emotional when it came to his sister, but he wasn't always so...stoic. Sarcastic and condescending at times, but full of knowledge and curiosity that made him lively. This was...cold and desolate. 

Mal tried for his most charming smile, "Dinner'll be soon. Sure it could wait til after."

Simon turned away and shook his head, "The possible effects this may have would not go well with eating. River and I will not attend dinner, nor breakfast."

"What?" Mal shook his head and tried to sound upbeat, "Can't have my ship's doctor without substance. You either come n' eat or'll come to you."

Simon turned back to look at the Captain with a slightly raised eyebrow, "I'll be fine. If my rations disappear, that's my problem, not yours. I won't complain if that's what you're worried about."

"What? No! That ain't what I meant!" Mal cried. "And ain't nobody going to take your rations either."

"Well...that's good to hear." Simon stated as he grabbed some supplies. "Is that all, Captain?"

Mal had no idea what to make of any of this, so he nodded. He watched as Simon went off towards the bunks with something heavy settling in his stomach. Something wasn't right and he didn't know _what_ exactly that was. He was doubting anyone else would actually bring it up and he might be the one to do it. 

Damn it all. 

* * *

 

Everyone was at dinner as Simon went to his bunk after being in Shepherd Book's room. As he descended the stairs and closed his door, he turned and smiled slightly when he saw River sitting on his bed.

"Did you leave it on page I told you?" she asked. 

Simon nodded as he sat down next to her. He lifted his hand and carefully pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. It was loose, but neat. 

River began to fiddle with the ends and supplied, "Inara invited me and Kayle into her shuttle. We brushed each other's hair."

That made Simon's chest ache as he pulled his hands away from her. He looked at her even as his vision began to blur as tears gathered. "Have you changed your mind?"

She looked at him with the innocence of a young child, but then with a knowing look that was just too old for her face. River reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers. "You gave up everything for me. You gave up your life...and now you're too tired to go on." she smiled in a way that was also too old, a smile of someone who knew too much, "Only fair I return the favor."

He choked out a sob as he hugged her tight. "I'm sorry..."

She rubbed his back soothingly with her free hand, then untangled their fingers to wipe away his tears with that hand. "Shhh...no tears Simon. It's story time."

Simon wiped away at his tears and nodded. He sniffed a few times before standing up and making sure everything was as it should be. His belongings were set out in the open for the crew to go through. See what they'd want to keep, what they'd wanted to throw away, and what they wanted to sell. He was dressed in his favorite suit he had with him, while River had one a pink dress and her combat boots. They looked very much like the time they were kidnapped and nearly burned at the stake. It should have been a clue back then. That regardless of how far he tried to run, it would _always_ end up this way. 

River laid on the bed and patted the spot next to her. 

It was like when they were children and even though she didn't need a fairytale to go to sleep, Simon would supply one anyway. Of course she'd help create it. 

 _"A long time ago, in the underground realm, where there are no lies or pain, there lived a Princess who dreamt of the human world._ " River began as Simon settled next to her. Each of them were on their sides, facing each other. Voices were low into whispers. The hum of engines in the background.

Simon continued as he stroked her hair behind her ear, _"She dreamt of Earth, of blue skies, soft breeze, and sunshine. She was so curious and intelligent...she wanted to understand it all. One day, eluding her keepers, the Princess escaped. For a while everything seemed right. The king and his queen, along with their son, the princess's brother, thought she was safe. But what they didn't know was that once outside, the brightness blinded her and erased every trace of the past from her memory. She forgot who she_ _was_ ," Simone paused as he stared into River's eyes and tried to silently project all of his apologies, unable to find the words. He caressed the side of her face as she closed her eyes and then continued, _"and where she came from."_  
  
With shaky hands he reached into his pocket and pulled out two syringes. He sniffled once more but steeled his resolve. Removing the plastic cover from the needle, he injected it into River and pushed down on the plunger. She gasped a bit and he continued with the story, " _Her body suffered cold, sickness and pain. Eventually she died. However, her brother, the Prince, always knew that the Princess' soul would return, perhaps in another body, in another place, at another time. And he would wait for her, until he drew his last breath, until the world stopped turning..."_ his hands were still shaking as he pulled the cover off of the other needle and injected himself. He immediately felt the substance coursing through his blood and he pulled River closer to him. She clutched on to his shirt and managed to open her eyes to stare at him as he finished the story.

  
_"And it is said that the Princess returned to her brother's side, in a different, newly acclaimed kingdom. That she reigned there along side him with justice and a kind heart for many centuries. That she was loved by her people. And that she left behind small traces of her time on Earth, visible only to those who know where to look."_

"Goodnight Simon..." River whispered. 

Simon finally let the tears fall free as he clung a little tighter to her, "Goodnight River." 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was hours after breakfast that Shepherd Books approached Captain Mal with a very forlorn expression. Mal had been with Wash and Zoe when he asked for a moment of his time. They found a quiet place to talk, away from prying ears, though at the moment everyone was seemingly busy with their morning routines. 

"What's this about Shepherd? I got captain-y things I need to be doin'. Can't be sparing too much time on lectures." Mal tried to be upbeat, break some of the obvious tension. He was wondering why it never worked at the right time.

"When will we dock next?" the Shepherd asked.

Mal scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. "'nother three days or so. What's the fuss?"

The Shepherd's mouth thinned out and he looked out towards the bunks. 

"What is it, Shep?" Mal demanded, patience wearing thin.

The Shepherd sighed and placed his arms behind his back, "There's no easy way to say this..."

"Well unless you lost your tongue in the last time you talked, just spit it out already!"

"We'll need to land as soon as possible." and rather than give any more explanation, he passed over a piece of paper. 

Mal took it tentatively before reading it. As he did his hands began to shake and he shook his head. Throwing the piece of paper back at the Shepherd he cried out, "No! I...I...that ain't possible!" 

"I didn't wish to believe it either...but I've just come from his bunk. I'm afraid so."

Mal marched towards the bunks, Shepherd in tow.

* * *

 

Mal burst into the cockpit, startling Wash as he reached for the inter com, "All personnel round up for a mandatory meeting ASAP." His voice was strained and devoid of emotion. 

It made Wash feel uneasy and awkward as he slowly got up after making sure the controls were all in order. 

"Uh...everything alright Captain?"

Mal swallowed and stared at Wash for a moment before just walking out. Zoe came to find Wash and asked what it was about and he shrugged. Together they joined everyone else and surrounded their Captain. 

Once everyone was there, Mal cleared his voice and tried to start but didn't know how.

"Wait Captain. River and Simon ain't here yet." Kaylee pointed out. 

Mal and Book's shared a look of widened eyes and sadness.

"I can go an' fetch em if ya want, Mal. Won't take long." Jayne offered. 

Mal couldn't look at Jayne at the moment so he cleared his throat again, but he still couldn't find how to begin. Luckily the preacher placed his hand on his shoulder and took a step forward.

"That will not be necessary."

"How the hell ain't it not necessary? Cap asked for all personnel. That includes the doc and his moonbrained sis." Jayne retorted as he crossed his arms and huffed. 

"Is everything alright with River and Simon? I noticed they weren't at dinner or breakfast." Inara commented, worry etched into her features as she read Mal's expression. Whatever the news was, she knew it was bad if he was acting like this. 

"Well that's cos Simon had some new test he was gonna do to help River. Said it's side effects wouldn't do good with food." Kaylee replied, her tone cheerful, but her eyes grew worried fast. All others began to match that sentiment. 

"I hope they ain't hungry. I doubt Jayne left em their rations." Wash snickered.

"Hey! I didn't take nobodies rations! If the doc's hungry, he ain't gonna starve!" Jayne exclaimed.

"Sir, what exactly is going on?" Zoe asked in that authoritative voice of hers that somehow always stayed on task.

"When we land, we should do so in a plot where we can securely...bury the two dearly departed." Books answered.

Everything seemed to quiet down, only Serenity making any noises with hums of engines and other pieces of machinery.

It wasn't until Kaylee broke the silence, "No...I saw him. An' River! Inara an' I spent all of yesterday mornin' with her!" Inara was there at her side instantaneously, hugging her. When Mal looked away they each let out quiet sobs. 

Wash shook his head slowly while letting out a quiet, "No..."

Zoe closed her eyes and bit her lip.

Jayne shook his head fiercely, "No. Ain't no way! I saw him in the medic bay just last night an' he...ain't no way, Mal! How would they even be dead!?"

"Yeah Captain? How did they..." Kaylee asked in a broken voice, tears falling freely. 

Mal looked up and swallowed and looked at off them. The note Simon had written to the preacher, not even him, burned in his pocket hotly. His hand itched to reach and get it. Hand it off and let them figure it out and make what of whatever they wanted with the information. But he resisted. He cleared his throat for what seemed the hundredth time that day and replied. "Overdose."

"Bull! You expecting us to believe that the doc wouldn't know the dosages he gave that moonbrained sister o' his? An' how in the hell would that make 'im dead?" Jayne demanded.

"I don't know." Mal replied quietly. 

"He could'a overdosed her accidentally like...guilt of it made him do the same for him...?" Wash supplied. Then after a tick added, "Course unless it was planned..."

"No!" Kaylee shook her head fiercely in denial.

"The doc was pleny o' things, but we all agreed he ain't no coward. That...that ain't somethin' the doc would do." Jayne stated, but he wasn't looking at anyone else to make his point on. Like he was stating it for himself.

" _Look_!" Everyone did look at Mal as he spoke, his voice hard and on edge. "I don't know what the hell went on or how things came to be as they are. But they are as such...and we gotta deal with it. We land in three days. We bury them nice, give em a resting place worth restin' in an'...then we keep on flying...like we always done." he didn't wait for anyone to reply, and stormed off. 

* * *

 

"Inara?" 

Inara jumped a bit as she was shaken out of her thoughts by Zoe's voice. She shifted in her spot, pail of water teetering in her grasp. She forced a smile on her lips as she greeted the other, "Hello."

"Needin' any help?" Zoe asked as she motioned to the pail and cloth in Inara's hands. 

"Oh, no, thank you." She looked at the bodies on the bed and let out a shaky breath. "I...I thought I'd come and clean them. I...there wasn't much more for me to do." She looked and saw that they were so clean, even dead, other than her, probably the most clean on board. Simon and River's things were neat and ready to be handled, for whatever Mal decided to do with them. "But when I arrived...there wasn't much I needed to do. Everything...everything was already done."

"It's a horrid feeling, ain't it? Not knowing what to do with yourself." Zoe stated.

Inara nodded as she placed the pail and cloth down. "It's not like we weren't aware of his demons. Of their trouble. I just...I didn't think _this_ would ever happen."

"I don't think any of us thought this would ever happen." Zoe said. 

* * *

 

When they landed they made sure to follow the Shepherd's suggestion and found a place that would be nice for a burial. The place had some vegetation so it wouldn't be lonely or sad looking. But it was away from any other town or stop that it wouldn't be bothered by grave robbers or any other sort of trouble makers. 

Mal, Wash, Book's, and Jayne all took it among themselves to dig a hole big enough. They decided that what was best was to bury them together, that way nothing would keep them apart on this plain of existence. 

Book's said some pretty words and they all listened, Kaylee and Wash were a bit more audible in their state of upset. Inara cried silently. Zoe, Mal, and Shepherd Books looked on with sad expressions. Jayne had an expressionless face. 

* * *

 

They stayed there overnight, they would head to the closest town to refuel and restock before heading towards their next job. Everyone stopped to say their last few goodbyes until it was time to leave. 

Mal was standing in front of the grave, looking intently at the two crosses with their names carved on it until his eyes hurt. He didn't move or stop looking even when Jayne stepped up next to him and said, "It's my fault, ain't it?"

Mal said nothing for a while before he said, "They had to stop running some time, Jayne."

"They coulda run much longer..."

"And then what? Running was their life...weren't much of a life."

"But they was livin'!"

Mal sighed, "I can't explain it to ya Jayne. An' it won't matter if I try. They were long dead by the time they were found. Ain't nothing coulda been done."

"Ain't right..."Jayne said quietly while shaking his head. 

"Lot of things ain't right...it's part of the lives we lead." he paused for a long moment before clapping Jayne on the back and pushing towards Serenity. "They're resting now. But we gotta keep on flying."

Jayne nodded and followed Mal back inside.


	3. Simon's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon's note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an edit I made. For the font to be readable, I had to make it in two, so they're side by side, and the content is also written down in the bottom in case some can't read the font.

       

 

_"I apologize for what I'm asking of you, but given the circumstances I can't think of anyone more suited. I can't say I'm a religious man, but I'll dare to still ask you to make sure River and I are buried with care. Her more than me. Some kind words would be appreciated and I believe I can count on you to give them._

_I won't drag this out and make it simple. I'm so tired. I can't keep running anymore and I know it's cowardly and selfish, but if I've learned anything it's that...nothing in the Verse is fair. Not everything makes sense. I tried to fight that, but I lost. We had an interesting story, but this is where it ends for us. If you're willing, please tell the crew I'm sorry. Tell them River says goodnight. Tell them...we had fun._

_-Simon"_


End file.
